Be careful the way you act

I recently went through a season where my parents, and myself as the coach, were wanting more players. We only had two subs and in soccer, that spells disaster.  I had been looking for more players but had not found any.  At the end of the season, right before our state playoffs, I had some players transfer from teams that did not make the playoffs.  Yeah!  More bodies!  More subs!  More players!  More problems.  :-(

I’m the kind of coach that puts in whoever is doing the best at that time.  Well, that can be any combination of people during a match and can change at any given moment and from match to match.  To say that I was verbally attacked by parents after the match would be putting it into real terms.  I was cussed at in front of my players.  In fact, it was so bad after the first match, that the opposing coach in the second match stopped me before the first match and asked if I was ok.  He told me what he witnessed and that the other coaches witnessed it as well and they were all talking about how bad it was.  I told him that I was embarrassed that at a state competition, the talk of my team was how poorly parents from my team treated me.

I did listen to every parent from that episode and heard them out and their concerns, but I wasn’t going to change my philosophy.  Later that day, after the second match, a parent approached me and said, “I know you are having a rough day.”  I was thinking to myself, “This is great!  Someone actually understands what I am going through”.  I jokingly asked, “You are not going to make it worse are you?”  ”No”, she said, and then went on with this sentence, “I think you are treating the girls unfairly.”  I didn’t know what to say.  

In both incidents, the children of these parents witnessed what was going on.  The first episode was so bad that the young girl went to the car in tears.  The second episode was not quite as dramatic, but the girl distanced herself from her mother and went to the car and shouted something at her.  I don’t condone kids disrespecting their parents regardless of the situation.

The first parent came back and apologized for the way he came at me.  I forgave him quickly.  The second one did not.  Again, the whole entire season, I was receiving complaints that we did not have enough players.  We get them and what happens?  Three years I had spent with this team and in one weekend, people seemed to forget that.

Parents, please don’t forget that your coach gives up family time and personal time to do something like this.  Remember that.  He has pressure from every single parent about every single thing.  Approach the coach if you believe there needs to be a discussion, BUT, choose the time, place, and words carefully.

Don’t be THAT parent

Tags

coach, parent, sport, sports

Ok, so I am guilty.  I am REALLY guilty.  I am guilty of doing exactly what I have asked my parents in the past not to do.  I probably need to be banned from practice and games.  Sheesh!  It was so bad that even my wife caught me doing it this weekend.  What was it?  Coaching my kid from the sidelines.

You might be wondering why that is so bad.  Let me give you a few reasons.

#1.  Your child has a coaching staff.  If you are a member of that staff, that is one thing.  If you are not, don’t be the unofficial coach of your child on the sideline or from the stands.

#2.  Coaching your child can confuse him/her.  The coaching staff has goals that they want for your child and the team.  They have their own way of accomplishing those goals through practice.  If you are all the time on your child from the sidelines about this, that, or the other, your child will be confused.  Do they listen to you or do they listen to their coach?

#3.  It can frustrate the child.  I can’t count the number of times that players of mine came off the field at halftime and said something along the lines of, “I wish my parents would be quiet.  They are annoying me.  They are telling me to do one thing and you are telling me to do another.  They get mad at me when I don’t do what they say.”  I have seen some of them come off the field in tears or close to it.

So, how is this problem fixed?  It is simple to suggest the ways but more difficult to follow through.

#1.  Be quiet.  As I tell kids, make your lips meet.  Root for them, cheer them on, but don’t coach them and stay off their back.  If you feel the need to say something, say something like, “Remember what you are supposed to do!”  This allows the kids to literally think for themselves and develops that memory that they need.

#2.  If being quiet is difficult, find something to put in your mouth like a lollipop or a bag of peanuts.  I’m serious!  This really does keep you from blurting out.

#3.  Coach at home.  Get in the car, be encouraging, and then when you have some time to work on something that you see to be deficient, do it in a one on one situation with your child at home.

Until next week, be a good parent for YOUR child!

You can’t serve two masters…

Tags

playing two sports, sport, sport athlete

“No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or  he will be devoted to the one and despise the other…”  Matthew 6:24.

Regardless if you are a Christian or not, this is true in just about any applicable situation where choices have to be made concerning which one is the one to choose.  I am talking about sports and the fact that many kids are TOO involved nowadays.  Over the past 12 years of coaching, I have coached numerous dual sport athletes.  It is not fun and the reason why is simple: At some point, the sport that I coach will suffer due to a player being overcommitted, having a conflict, and having to choose.  My advice: Stick to one sport/team for one season.

For some reason, soccer is a sport that seems to be hit the hardest with this.  Due to the fact that club seasons can run concurrent with high school seasons, it throws a monkey wrench into the gears and some team has to suffer.

The other problem is team dynamics.  When a player misses a game/practice because they are at another sport’s/team’s practice, it causes problems among the other members of the team and then that spreads to the parents.  Also, there are always one or two parents that want to point out the obvious to the coach like he/she is unaware of the situation.

If you are the parent that has the child overcommitted, consider pulling him/her out of one sport and allow him/her to concentrate on that one sport for that one season.  Plus, two sports at a time can be too physically demanding on the body and can lead to excessive injuries that seem to linger and then reappear very quickly the next season.

If you are the parent who has a child that is complaining about the dual sport athlete, then remind your child that he/she should concentrate on making themselves better when they are at practice.  Being a better player helps the team.

If that dual sport athlete does not attend practice and is still playing the same amount of time or more than a child who does attend every practice, continues to work hard, is respectful of the coach, etc., it might be time to communicate that to the coach.  (Please refer to the “confronting the coach” entry)

The Do’s and Don’t's of confronting the coach

No one really likes confrontation, do they?  I don’t.  As far as I am concerned, the less stress in my life, the better.  But, there are always those moments when something HAS to be done, a situation MUST be met head on.  After all, this is your child that you are talking about and you love them and want the best for them.  Unfortunately, there is a time that you will confront your child’s coach about a situation.  Here is a helpful list of Do’s and Don’t's:

Do

1. Get all the facts straight.  If you are going to confront someone, there is always a chance that things could go awry, situations might get ugly.  In order to lessen this, make sure your facts are straight before confronting the coach.  Do more than get facts from your child, save all the emails and handouts that have guidelines for the parents and players.  And, understand that your child, depending on the age, might have their perception a little off.

2. Do confront at a non-emotional time.  This could be after a practice or at a time when there is no practice.  That way, emotions are NOT involved in the discussion.

3.  Do understand that you won’t necessarily agree.  Differences of opinions are human nature.  If you believe that you can’t get past this confrontation, then request a transfer to another team or get over it.  Plus, a season is only temporary and a new season can bring a new coach.

 

Don’t

1. Hold the coach to unreasonable expectations.  I coached a very talented player whose biggest problem was one of the parents.  The parent wanted me to promise that their child play a certain position.  I can never promise that.  Why?  Things happen like injuries, schedule conflicts,etc.  No coach has a crystal ball and can predict the future.  

2. Get personal.  Never call the coach a name that can turn a conversation for the worse.  Remember, that is what confrontations are, they are conversations.  If you start and call the coach a liar, the confrontation and conversation is over.  You won’t win or try to get the coach to see your way.

3. Confront after a game or in front of other players.  Games are emotional times for all parties involved, including the coaches.  Don’t bring up this highly charged emotional issue right after a game, even a win.  I remember winning the state championship 4 years ago.  Another coach, who was my boss at the time, was helping me on the sidelines.  Something happened at a previous match that the parent made a BIG deal out of that the player didn’t seem to think was that big of a deal (teenage players at the time).  As soon as we won, the parent made a mad dash to the field and started sticking their finger in my boss’s face.  He looked at them and said, “You just won the state championship.  You need to celebrate.”  We can ruin it for our kids.  Don’t do that.  There is a time and place and just because you FEEL it is the time doesn’t mean that it IS the right time.

4.  Spread your ill will around the team to other players or parents.  Let’s face it, gossip is prevalent in the stands and parents are cliquish.  If you confront the coach, fine.  If you do it in a respectable manner, fine.  If you believe that you win, fine.  Don’t go around bragging about this confrontation and what happened or don’t start arguing your case to other parents that lend an ear.  Some parents will distance your kid from theirs and a bad reputation will sink in.  If you wonder why no one sits next to you on the sidelines or in the stands, think about it.  This is a tough pill to swallow.  Think about this, would you want your child’s coach to argue their case about you to the other players?

 

Until next week…

Communicate, communicate, and communicate

Tags

coach, parent, sports. communication

Information is so easy to communicate in the world of technology in which we live.  We have computers at work with email access, facebook, and smartphones for email, facebook, and text messaging.  Do yourself a favor, communicate with your coach.

If your child can’t make a practice, choose a way to communicate that the coach will be able to receive and retrieve quickly.  Personally, I would text.  This is something that I always appreciated my parents doing.  Any text with useful information is helpful to the coach and keeps you and the coach on good terms.  But, there is a way to inform the coach properly.  Let me give you the wrong way and the correct way:

Wrong way-”Coach, ________ won’t be there tonight.”  Why is this the incorrect way? For two reasons.  One, it makes it look like you are hiding information.  Be honest with the coach and let him/her know the reason why your child will be unable to attend practice.  If the child is sick or has a massive amount of homework, be honest about it.  Second, it does not reciprocate the reasons you would want for your coach’s absence.  If a coach sent out an email that said, “No practice tonight” or “I won’t be there”, would you want to know why?  You sure would!  After all, you are paying money to receive training for your child or if you are in recreational sports, you are spending much time at the field and shuttling your child around.  Who wouldn’t want 2 extra hours at home?  And, if your coach does this a lot, the question as to why should be raised.  After all, they are expecting you to bring your child to all the games and practices and the coach should show the same respect to you.

The correct way-”Coach, I apologize, but _________ will be unable to attend practice tonight.  He/she is running a fever and has a raspy cough.  I am going to keep her/him home tonight and hopefully this will be cleared up so that she/he will be able to attend the next practice.  Thanks”   This gives the coach the information that he/she needs.  It also helps the coach when all the other players say, “Where is so and so?” and the coach has a ready response.  The kids will then tell their parents because you know that there is always the parent on the team that is the unofficial attendance taker for all the wrong reasons.

A little about myself

Welcome to my blog.  My name is Skip Broome and I have coached youth sports for over a decade.  I have a 7 year old and 1 year old.  My 7 year old plays baseball and soccer.  

Recently, I have decided to hang up my whistle in order to spend time with my own children, instead of spending time with everyone else’s.  Not that I didn’t enjoy it, I did, but it is time that my children get all of my attention when it comes to their sports.

Along the way, I have learned what not to do and what to do as a coach and most of that comes in the form of dealing with parents.  I started this blog to help parents become the best team parents that they can for their children.